Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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