I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
