: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
