Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
