curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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