you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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