So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was born a porn star she said
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
