the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
