shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
