update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
