If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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