Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
