she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
being pregnant is like rehab
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
