I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
