I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
