Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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