Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
