So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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