Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
