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Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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