You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
