while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
