I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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