I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
