Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
