Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
