this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
