This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
