I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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