I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
