would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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