"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
