Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
