I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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