i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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