We're facebook friends in real life
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
