Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
