she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
