There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
