I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
