to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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