Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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