Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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