If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
