he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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