i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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