i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
