I need to stop coming to work sober
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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