i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
