I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
tell me about the fingering
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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