Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
