Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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