Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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