I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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