were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
