i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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