did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
