i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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