its not stalking. its research.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're too hungover to prance.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
