so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Farmville is her only friend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
