3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Having a random hookup so left but love u
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
