I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
