Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
