trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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