i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
