Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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