my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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