Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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