Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
