Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
