i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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