What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
