You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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