You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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